Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
