In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
