So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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