What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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