she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
