party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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