wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
