I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
