The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
