im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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