Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
