he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
