Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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