last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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