dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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