update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
