Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize