so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
