i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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