so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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