How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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