i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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