There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
