So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I queefed so loud it echoed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
