Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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