And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize