you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
