what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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