She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
