Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
