The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize