I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
