I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
