He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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