my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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