maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
