If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
