: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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