Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
your like the ambassador to my penis.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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