There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
