i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
