This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
