I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
