The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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