ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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