I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
