How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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