im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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