Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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