ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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