Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
