He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
