Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
