Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
