I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
