I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
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You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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