Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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