Do you still have your period?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
