dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
