You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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