Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
