Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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