That's intense
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
