If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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