I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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