U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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