At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
