whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
