wanna go halves on a baby?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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