I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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