She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
