my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
