And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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