He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My breasts were aching with rage.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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