i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there is puke in my bra ... again
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