Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
