Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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